To Die As Lovers May, So That They May Live Together
by lrhaboggle
Summary: These were the words Carmilla was promised even before she became Carmilla, and they had stayed true for all of these centuries. It didn't matter when or where, the vampire was always drawn back home in the end, back to her very first lover, even if the name and face was a bit different every time.
1. Susanna

Susanna Nádasdy smiled seductively at the young lady, Mircalla Karnstein, who was kneeling at her bedside with her hands under the coverlet. There was a kind of pleased wonder in her bright brown eyes as she beckoned for Mircalla to come closer. Mircalla obeyed and withdrew her hands from Susanna's coverlet and began to caress her body instead. At last, Mircalla even laid down beside Susanna on the bed, and drew her in close, smiling languidly as she did so. Susanna made a purring noise and felt immediately delightfully soothed.

"Dearest Mircalla," she whispered, voice low and husky with love.

"Susanna," Mircalla's voice was even lower and raspier. "It has been far too long since last we've met."

"Well, I scarcely can get a day to myself," Susanna replied ruefully. "You know how domineering my father is. I can't even breathe without his permission, just in case I ever do something to slander the Nádasdy name."

"Well, whatever happens, I doubt that it will be your breathing that slanders your family," Mircalla replied cheekily, shifting under the covers until she was straddling Susanna. "That is, of course, unless your breathing comes in too fast or too hard," she continued to tease, giving the woman beneath her a wink. Susanna only laughed in reply, watching with excited eyes as Mircalla lowered her head until their lips were touching.

Susanna and Mircalla were countesses of neighboring estates and had met not too long ago when their fathers arranged a meeting with one another to discuss a possible alliance. While they were busy making treaties, their daughters were busy making acquaintances. The two became fast friends, and then they became something even more… In time, the two women were constantly on the lookout for any chance to be together again. As of this particular night, Mircalla had managed to sneak away from her home in Karnstein to come and visit Susanna's estate. She was able to get away with this so easily because her own father, Ferenc Karnstein, was highly negligent. He hardly ever even noticed when she was present, so how would her absence be any different to him?

Susanna's father, meanwhile, was just the opposite, but he was no less of a nuisance than Ferenc. His name was Hans and he had eyes like a hawk. If Ferenc never noticed a thing Mircalla did, Hans noticed _everything_. He was watchful where Ferenc was blind. If Mircalla could leave her castle without being spotted, then Susanna could hardly even breathe without bringing some sort of chastisement back down over her head. But despite the odds, Mircalla still managed to sneak into Susanna's estate and come spend the nights with her, as they were doing then.

As romantic as nights like these were, however, nothing compared to nights they spent in the garden, but that was perhaps because they were the riskiest nights of all. Just two young countesses, creeping between shadow and moonlight and amongst the leaves and flowers of the estate to share a night of wonder together. In fact, the two countesses even shared their last kiss in this moonlit Eden, sitting side by side and overlooking a small lake towards the edge of the garden. The moon was a glowing disc upon a dull gray sheet of water that was as still and silent as glass.

"I am sure, Susanna, that you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on," Mircalla said to her lover.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," Susanna replied. "Unless it should be with you…" and Mircalla felt something powerful move within her as Susanna said this. Even though her tone was soft, her voice carried the passion of a thousand suns and Mircalla basked in their light.

Mircalla suddenly moved forward, catching Susanna's chin in her hand. She pulled Susanna closer and closer until their lips met. This kiss began slow and gentle, but soon became feverish and hard as hands roamed through hair and across skin in perfect rhythm to the motion of their mouths as they kissed. Soft moans filled the warm summer air and combined with the occasional rustle of a nightgown as the two women continued to nuzzle and caress one another with lips and fingers.

"Darling, darling," Susanna finally murmured, "I live in you and you would die for me, I love you so..." it was a good hour before either of them chose to return to bed, sneaking back across the massive garden and into the castle once more.

Right before the pair went back inside, however, Susanna stopped them both and turned to face the moonlit garden one last time.

"Let us look again for a moment; it is the last time, perhaps, I shall see the moonlight with you," she said.

"What do you mean?" Mircalla replied, a little alarmed by this cryptic and gloomy remark, but Susanna would not answer. Instead, she only continued to stare out at their little Eden with languid and pensive eyes, one arm still wrapped sweetly around Mircalla's slim waist. But after several minutes had gone by, Susanna finally turned her back on the moonlight and led Mircalla back to the safety and sanctity of her chambers…

Not long after this, Susanna proved correct in her prediction. Although Mircalla was able to spend one more day with Susanna, their next night was cut short. Ferenc had finally noticed his daughter's absence and although he had absolutely no clue where she had gone, not knowing her well enough to even conjecture, there _was_ someone out there who did know Mircalla well enough to guess. Hans. When Ferenc sent him a letter explaining that Mircalla had gone missing, Hans put the pieces of the puzzle together easily. He may not have known Mircalla all that well either, but he knew Susanna, and he knew that if he could find Susanna, then he would find Mircalla. Sure enough, his thought process proved correct.

After the letter from Ferenc arrived, Hans kept an extra close watch over his daughter for the rest of that day and well into the night. It was at this time that he found the missing countess. He had been waiting outside his daughter's chambers when he heard voices starting to speak behind the door. Realizing that Mircalla must've snuck in through the window, somehow, he grew enraged. What sent him over the edge, however, were the blasphemous words he was hearing pour out of the young ladies' mouths. He did not hesitate to kick in the door and draw his sword...

Susanna and Mircalla escaped that night unscathed, but the next one they shared together would not yield the same result. Firstly, Susanna and Mircalla were kept far apart, forbidden from even seeing each other for nearly half a year, but even once they were free to at least speak to one another again, either Hans or Ferenc had to be in attendance. It was the first time in Mircalla's life that Ferenc had ever paid any real attention to her, though even now, it still ultimately boiled down to a selfish reason. He didn't really care about what Mircalla did, he was just worried about what it might do to his reputation. Even while watching Mircalla closely, the vain and selfish man only ever really saw himself. But it was still better than Hans who, unlike Ferenc, _did_ care about what the two girls did, and made sure that his every expression somehow conveyed displeasure with them, even if they talked about things as mundane as the weather.

Of course, the two girls were forbidden from ever sharing a room or a night, and guards were posted outside their doors whenever one young lady visited the other, but Susanna was not ready to admit defeat. Instead, one particular night, she managed to dupe her father and her guard into thinking that she was curled up in bed when, instead, it was just her nightgown, stuffed with pillows and hidden with an extra coverlet. The real Susanna was quickly making her way to Mircalla's room, an ancient spellbook in hand...

"What are you going to do with that?" Mircalla demanded in a small voice. She wasn't even sure how Susanna had been able to escape her room and get around the entire castle just so that she could climb through Mircalla's window the same way Mircalla had climbed through hers a few months back let alone how she had been able to do it all while holding what looked like a very heavy old book. And it was a full moon out! How had Susanna not been spotted?

"I'm going to reunite us, to everything we once were," Susanna replied determinedly as she flipped through the old pages of the spellbook. "I am going to reunite us and give us the life that we deserve. Everything we've ever wanted. A life we can share as one..."

"You mean you're going to have us run away?" Mircalla asked, sounding almost excited. "We'll see the world together?"

"We will do even more than that, my darling," Susanna replied, not looking up from her book. "And you are mine, and you _shall_ be mine. You and I are one forever…" then she trailed off into silence as she began skimming her book again and Mircalla fell into an anxious silence of her own…

At last, Susanna found what she was looking for. It looked like a spell that would give them the power to blend into the shadows until they could escape. Her eyes lit up.

"Only a few hours more, and you shall know all!" she whispered excitedly to her companion before she began to chant the spell, but she never got the chance to finish because, only a few seconds into it, a guard burst into the bedroom. One of Susanna's body guards had dared to enter her room and wound up discovering her ruse. He knew at once where she must've gone and wasted no time in making his way down to Mircalla's room.

The two girls were both arrested for their attempted witchcraft but, in the end, only Susanna wound up paying any sort of lasting price. She was executed. This was because Ferenc and Hans made an agreement that they would spare one daughter by pinning all the sins on the other. After some debate, they decided that it should be Susanna who paid. But the only reason either man decided to save either daughter was because Ferenc was so vain that even though he felt no love for Mircalla, he didn't want so much as one, single, little stain on his great name. If Mircalla was punished with Susanna, it would make him look bad too and he did not want that, so he and Hans decided to pin all of the blame on one girl.

And since Hans was a little more willing to sacrifice a small part of his public image, he had agreed to Ferenc's demands easily enough. Besides, in exchange for sacrificing his daughter for Ferenc's, Ferenc promised to use some of his own good clout to help Hans disassociate with his treacherous child and rebuild any honor that he might've lost because of her heinous crimes. It was a win-win for both of the counts.

The two men wasted no time in twisting the truth. They argued that since Susanna had been the one with the spellbook, then she was the one to blame. They lied and said that Susanna was a witch, using her evil magic to seduce Mircalla into her services. They then painted Mircalla as an innocent and confused victim, nearly defeated by the forces of darkness because she did not know any better. Anything that she had done wrong was instantly blamed on Susanna's witchery. They made Susanna out to be the vile and vulgar one, responsible not just for witchcraft, but for various homosexual acts between herself and Mircalla. Even though it had been Mircalla who had come crawling through Susanna's window every night, it was Susanna who was painted as the temptress, and they said that she had used her evil magic to make Mircalla _enjoy_ these sinful, shameful acts instead of reviling them as any good, normal person would.

The entire countryside ate the story up without question and soon, all eyes were turned on Susanna. Mircalla was, vicariously, set free. Hans and Ferenc had done such a good job of painting her as a victim of circumstance that any time she tried to take a stand for Susanna, she was written off as still deeply traumatized by all of the terrible things Susanna had done to her. Her mind was still addled by Susanna's magic, Hans and Ferenc would say, so nothing that she said could be taken seriously. Once again, their respective estates believed them in a heartbeat.

Mircalla could only watch from afar, aghast, as her lover was executed right there in Karnstein, right in front of her very eyes. And on the day of the execution, Susanna only said one thing:

"Fear not, Mircalla! To die as lovers may, so that they may live together, shall be our story! I will meet you again in death and then we will never be parted again!" then she spoke no more.

From that day on, Mircalla became increasingly bitter, cynical, vindictive, vengeful and sadistic. With her one true love gone, Mircalla felt as if she had nothing else to live for. She stopped caring. Stopped feeling. Stopped thinking. She became selfish, arrogant and cruel, doing whatever she wished whenever she wished. Sometimes, she would even have innocent servants punished out of spite, just because she felt as if the rest of the world ought to suffer with her. She took great pleasure in knowing that the riffraff were being put back into their place… And Ferenc had stopped caring again. Now that Susanna was out of the picture, he had no need to pay attention to Mircalla anymore, so he didn't.

Several months later, the countess of Karnstein finally attended her first ball. She did not remember anything of that night, except for how lovely it might've been to waltz with Susanna instead of all of those stuffed shirts whose adorations hurt her ears. Oh how she wished that she could've been waltzing with Susanna instead… But what happened after the ball ended was something that Mircalla would never forget…

Mircalla had only just curled up in bed when she noticed a strange, spectral figure staring at her from the corner of the room. Suddenly feeling her body go numb and limp, Mircalla could do nothing but stare as the specter drew closer to her, mounting her and kissing her on the neck the same way Susanna used to do. What was happening? Was it a dream? A hallucination? A ghost? Had Susanna somehow returned from the grave? Was this gentleness supposed to be a comfort… or a punishment? Was Susanna back for revenge? Or was she here to take Mircalla to a place where they could finally be happy together forever? What were these kisses and caresses? Mircalla could only moan as Susanna nipped at her.

Suddenly, Mircalla felt a sharp pain, cutting deeper than any knife ever could have. But she couldn't even scream anymore, suddenly feeling as if every ounce of strength in her body had been drained out. She could only lie there, mouth open in a silent cry as the pain grew. It began to burn and she struggled to push the specter away, but she was paralyzed. She could only lie there as her life force was sapped right out of her.

Finally, then, Mircalla began to fear death. For the first time in her life, she was afraid to die and she wanted desperately to live. She clung to the last threads of her mortality, but they unraveled faster and faster as the fates prepared to unwind her story and cut the string. She began to pray silently, though she did not believe in a good or forgiving God anymore. She prayed for life, begging to be spared. In that one moment, it became her one true fear, even worse than losing Susanna. In that one moment, Mircalla would've done anything to escape death. Then she died.

But death did not keep her. Instead, it spat her back out into the land of the living, but she had come back wrong. Changed. Different. Monstrous _. Vampiric._ She was sure that she was still dead, that disconnect of body and mind (soul?) acting as an ever-present torture for her, but she was able to walk, talk, see and experience once again. She could think, respond, act and react, but it all felt... different. She had no pulse and no need to breathe or eat, but she _did_ need to drink…

From the moment Mircalla's dark eyes opened again, she was thirsty. But even after she had quenched her initial thirst, another kind of hunger drove her further than that. But this new hunger wasn't as simple as a desire for blood. Was it a hunger for life? What an ironic Hell for the girl who'd spent her death throes fearing the scythe of the Reaper. Was this God's punishment for an unrepentant sinner like her? To force her to roam between the living and the dead forever? To trap in her limbo? To make sure she never felt safe or at home anywhere? God was cruel. It was a fate wherein she would always want for something that she could never truly have. But then again, that was nothing new for the disgraced countess.

But in time, Mircalla would come to see that she was only half right in her assessment. A far more exquisite torture was in store for her, beyond being dead in a world of life. Her ultimate torture was the most ironic and painful Hell of all. It was to see Susanna again, in death just like they had wanted, but never to find a happy ending. Time and time again, they would find one another and fall madly in love, but never would it ever end in anything other than death and despair.

And as an extra sort of irony, if Mircalla was the girl of death stuck in the land of the living, Susanna was the girl of life stuck in the land of the dead, forever haunted by Mircalla's specter. Her punishment had not been to endure eternal death as Mircalla's had been. Hers was to experience a very twisted eternal life. She could die, yes, but she was never kept for long before being reborn, again and again and again. Maybe she came back in a new life every time, but she was an old soul. She was forced to experience birth and life in an endless, vicious round.

Worst of all, though, to Mircalla, was that Susanna never had any recollection of any of her past lives. It didn't matter how many times she'd died and been reborn, every time she and Mircalla were reunited, it was like the very first time for her. Mircalla cursed God for giving them both such ironic Hells and began to ask why, but vaguely, something did stir in her memory...

When Susanna had died, she was welcoming of death and she had promised her loyalty to Mircalla even unto the grave. But Mircalla? When she died, she had feared death and begged for anything else, forgetting even Susanna in that one moment of terror. How ironic was it now for their roles to reverse? Susanna would forever be the one to live and fear death and she would always shy away from Mircalla every time they met. She would forget Mircalla after every new death while Mircalla was the one who would never forget Susanna and never be able to pass on into death the same way Susanna had tried so hard to do centuries ago. Susanna would be a creature of perverted life and Mircalla of perverted death. They really would become one through their loves, God himself switching them up to torture them.

Their story ended the same way every time before completing its cycle all over again in a different time and place. Same play, different stage. Year after year. Mircalla always ended up taking Susanna's life, only for it to be returned to her within a few years' time, and Susanna always filled Mircalla's dead heart with life before death would do them part for another decade or two until they could be as one once again. Susanna always ended up hurting Mircalla, although it was all inadvertent. Mircalla always ended up hurting Susanna, though it was all unintended.

But the vicious cycle of hurt between the two girls, like the endless round of life and death, never ceased. The very first cycle had started the moment Mircalla had crept in through Susanna's window on that dark and fateful night centuries ago and so it would be for centuries more. They had lived together, they had died together, now they would live together once more, just like Susanna had promised in her last moments of her first life. But they had both come back wrong. In the same way homosexuality was a perversion of love, so too was their existence a perversion of life and death.

 **AN: Here's the first chapter of a Carmilla fanfic inspired by several lines from the book that imply that this isn't the first time Carmilla might've fallen for a victim. I'm using the OTP prompt that says that Person A is Person B's lover, reincarnated over and over again. Also, this fic will cover book and webseries and Susanna is, of course, Carmilla's original Laura. I came up with the name because Susanna was J. Sheridan-LeFanu's beloved wife.**


	2. Laura

For centuries, this perverted game of cat and mouse prevailed, one chasing the other in an endless round in attempt to find peace. For centuries, Mircalla had tried to quit, tried to escape, tried to end her suffering, but her punishment was final. No matter what she did or how far she ran, Mircalla was forever drawn back to that awful place once again. Without fail, every single time a new reincarnation appeared, Mircalla always came back, unable to stay away no matter how hard she tried. She always wound up here again, on that cursed and blessed land where she and Susanna had loved one another so many years ago. It didn't matter when, where or how, Susanna always came back. And so did Mircalla. And in every single time and place, the story was always the same.

This time, the place that fate had called Mircalla back to was only a few miles away from her old castle in Karnstein. It was closer than the previous reincarnation, but Mircalla was not interested in that. She was interested in the girl she was returning for. What form and name would she take on now? Mircalla could hardly wait as the time for them to reunite drew ever closer. And then the day came, and as with all of the others, Mircalla's accomplice, whom she called Mother, dropped her off at Susanna's newest doorstep with instructions for the father to look after her.

"My child will not have recovered sufficiently to resume her route for who can say how long. I must leave her, I cannot, dare not, delay. How far on, sir, can you tell, is the nearest village? I must leave her there!" Mother cried in grief and frustration, but Mircalla knew it was all only an act. It was an act to help her find the excuse to live right with Susanna at her very house, as they had been doing since the very beginning of these reincarnation cycles. But Susanna's newest father ate it up and, as with all of the others before him, welcomed Mircalla into his own house instead. He insisted that Mircalla stay at the schloss instead of at the nearby town, which was full of all kinds of dangerous riffraff. Mother pretended to consider the option carefully before agreeing and then wheedling away quite quickly to keep up the façade of being on an urgent mission. This left Mircalla alone with Susanna once again.

In time, the two young women, who were very old spirits at heart, would find new names. Mircalla's became Carmilla and, in this life, Susanna's became Laura. It was a pretty name for an even prettier girl, Mircalla, or rather, Carmilla, decided. This version of Susanna looked fairly different from the original, hair a pale gold and eyes a sky blue instead of being a deeper reddish gold with dark brown, but Carmilla still knew exactly who she was looking at. And even though this Susanna seemed far more timid and silly than her original, Carmilla still knew exactly who she was living with. Already, the vampire felt close to paradise, despite knowing how their story would end. But it was an irresistible law of her nature that she come back here and relive out those beautiful and terrible moments, no matter how old the story became.

"How wonderful!" Carmilla had exclaimed when she was finally able to speak with Susanna (Laura). "12 years ago, I saw your face in a dream, and it has haunted me ever since!" she cried.

"Wonderful indeed!" Laura, repeated, overcoming with an effort the horror that had for a time suspended her utterances. "12 years ago, in vision or reality, I certainly saw you. I could not forget your face. It has remained before my eyes ever since!"

As Laura finished speaking this piece, Carmilla felt the place where her unbeating heart rested soften and warm. Although she knew Laura was only referring to the dream in which she and Carmilla met, the dream always being Carmilla's signal that Susanna was back, even coming in parallel to the way the two of them used to crawl through one another's windows for nightly trysts, Carmilla liked to think that Laura was referring to remembering Carmilla back when she was still only human Mircalla. Even though Carmilla knew Laura was only referring to a childhood dream, Carmilla liked to pretend otherwise. She liked to imagine it was Susanna speaking through the years, promising her that she still remembered her even after all this time.

Carmilla's smile had softened as she inspected Laura. Whatever Laura might've fancied strange in it was gone, and it and her dimpling cheeks were now delightfully pretty and intelligent. Carmilla was just so deeply moved to see Laura, so deeply moved to see her beloved's face again, that her smile became gentle instead of bitter. If only Laura would remember! But she wouldn't. And that was half the torture. But Carmilla was already in love. She was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Laura. As much as it would hurt them both, Carmilla would stay by Laura's side until their time ended once more, and she would do her best to make do with what little time they had now before the dreaded cycle would repeat itself again, like the hands on a clock, obeying Father Time and no one else.

"I live in your warm life, and you shall die-die, sweetly die-into mine. I wish for us to die together, to die as lovers may, so that they may live together!" Carmilla had told Laura one night about a month after they first met. The words were cryptic, but intentionally so, as Carmilla was bound to secrecy by an archaic and powerful law that could not be broken, no matter how much she wished it could be. She could only hope that Laura would be able to glean, from that one little clue, what was in store for her at the end of this newest chapter in their love story. But Laura, poor, sweet, innocent Laura, was so blind. She did not understand at all, though she might've wished it. She just could not remember all the secret kisses and stolen nights. When she looked at Carmilla, all she saw was a madwoman, not a lover at all. But that did not stop Carmilla's wild heart.

"You are mine, you _shall_ be mine, you and I are one forever," she had promised Laura another night, daring to climb atop the young woman and press bold kisses to her cheeks, lips and neck like Laura had done for her centuries ago, even if she could not recall. Laura was visibly afraid of such a forward reaction, but Carmilla did not care anymore. She was too entranced, too in love, with the poor young girl to wait any longer to _be_ with her again. Carmilla could control herself no longer and she would not wait a single second to feel Laura's warmth again, even if Laura appeared to be distressed by all of these behaviors and, as she perceived them, peculiarities.

But these feverish behaviors were not signs of madness, as Laura may have thought. Instead, they were cracks in the carefully built up fortress that was Carmilla. Try as she may, the vampire could not control herself. She had waited long enough already to see Laura again, and to have her so close and so personally was an exquisite torture of the highest degree. She reveled in it. She glorified every kiss, every touch, every moment spent together, knowing that they would not last more than this one summer, just like all of the others. But there would be other summers, she just had to wait. But could she? When everything about Laura was so tempting? Her gorgeous body, her loving spirit, her blood that was warm with life? Carmilla knew it was selfish, but love was always selfish. The more ardent, the more selfish. She would spend every second she had with Laura as an act of love and an act of defiance and, in the same way the cycle would not wait for her, she would not wait for it. These summers were precious to the vampire, and she wouldn't let a single one go to waste even though there would be many more in time.

Carmilla felt like a caterpillar while in the normal world, small, ugly, invisible and powerless, only to be a butterfly when those precious summers came. When summer came, when Laura came, Carmilla was free, and beautiful. And so was Laura, in full maturity of a woman, though still learning how to stretch her wings. But then the summer would end, and the two young women would become grubs again. Carmilla would return to the shadows and Laura would have to go through birth and childhood once more, coming out as a new larva every time, though each reincarnation had its own propensities, necessities and structure. But Carmilla did not want to have to wait for another cycle to be a butterfly again.

But cycles were cycles, each step coming in one right after the other, heedless of anything but Father Time. And in time, the past began to haunt both Carmilla and her beloved Laura once again. It came in the form of a painting of Carmilla, back centuries ago when she was still human. Laura was the only one to catch onto the similarities between Carmilla and the lady in the picture and she was even gracious enough to request that it be hung in her room. The gestured made Carmilla smile, but it also made her weep, and she had taken the opportunity to share one last night with the young girl in the same way they had centuries ago. She could sense that their time was running out now. Summer was nearly over. All of Susanna's portraits had been destroyed following her death and Carmilla had failed to save even a single one, though her own still remained. The dress she wore in it was Susanna's favorite. It was Carmilla's own last rebellion against what her father had done to her and Susanna.

Following the incident with the painting, Carmilla took Laura on a walk around the river that surrounded Laura's schloss. It reminded both of them of a romantic event in their past, though Carmilla's memory went further back. The times were different, but the sentiment was the same.

"It is so like the night you came to us," Laura said. Carmilla could only smile dryly and she fought the urge to ask Laura which time she was referring to. Of course, she knew Laura was referring to the most recent incident earlier that summer, but how many times had Carmilla played out this same scenario? How many Susannas had Carmilla gone through where they met under the moonlight?

"Are you glad I came?" Carmilla asked instead.

"Delighted, dear Carmilla," Laura answered. Carmilla could only smile. Maybe Laura did not remember anything of her before this summer, but the memories she did have now were still good ones. That would be enough. The vampire rested her head upon the human's shoulder, smiling softly.

"How romantic you are, Carmilla," Laura said. "Whenever you tell me your story, it will be made up chiefly of some one great romance!" Carmilla kissed Laura's cheek. If only Laura would accept it if she did more than that. "I am sure, Carmilla, you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on," Laura shied away from the kiss and Carmilla felt something stir where her heart used to be.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," she whispered. "Unless it should be with you…" and she meant every single word.

The next night the pair spent together was the last. Laura had gone off with her father and an old friend to the Karnstein chapel. Or what was left of it. Carmilla had not been pleased to hear about this, but there was no point in trying to outrun her fate. Instead, she decided only to meet Laura there and see what would unfold. Surely God was testing her now. Surely this was going to be the end of another cycle.

After arriving to the chapel, Carmilla finally realized just how cruel God really was. Aside from Laura and her father, the third visitor to the chapel was old General Spielsdorf, the father of Carmilla's previous victim, Bertha Spielsdorf. Because of Bertha, General Spielsdorf and Carmilla were very bitter rivals and seeing one another evoked a reaction powerful enough to push them into battle. It was during that fight that Laura got to see Carmilla in her full, vampiric terror. The moment Carmilla saw that horrified look on Laura's face, she knew it was all over for her then. Another chapter in their story had come to a close. But how did Laura die in this version? All of Carmilla's other Susannas had died because of her vampiric bite, but this one did not…

Carmilla's "mother", who had been the one to resurrect Carmilla after she was bitten by that other vampire centuries ago, had created a strange deal with Carmilla. If Carmilla would help her catch a few special girls every 20 years or so, she would help Carmilla find every reincarnation of Susanna and give her a reason to go and stay with the girl at her house. Perhaps the deal seemed sudden and strange, but the woman admitted that it was because she liked how well Carmilla could charm women, and how vicious she could be when provoked. Carmilla did not want to agree at first, but the idea of having someone help her get into Susanna's good graces was tempting enough for Carmilla to become this woman's worker and "daughter" and, from then on, Carmilla called her Mother.

For centuries, their deal stood. Carmilla captured five girls every 20 years and, in exchange, Mother helped Carmilla win Susanna's heart. So Carmilla and Mother became a tag-team, and it had been Mother who helped Carmilla find an excuse to get to know Laura. In that way, Mother gave Carmilla Laura, but she had no qualms with taking Laura away either...

Carmilla's fourth victim, two before Laura and one before Bertha Spielsdorf, had managed to escape. She escaped because Carmilla had been so busy with thoughts of reuniting with Susanna that she had accidentally revealed her vampiric secret too soon and scared the girl off too early. As punishment for losing a victim and nearly blowing their cover, Mother made Laura the replacement target, allowing Carmilla to grow close to her before intentionally turning the tables so that Carmilla would reveal her secret to Laura in the worst way possible, forcing Carmilla to flee while Laura was left totally alone and defenseless. It was Mother's cruel retribution for Carmilla's shortcomings. It was a life for a life.

Once that happened, Mother swooped in and took a more direct part in the story. She manipulated Laura into betraying Carmilla and sealing her own fate simultaneously. Carmilla did not get to see how Laura died, having been imprisoned in a coffin of blood by then, but she knew enough to know that Mother had hurt her badly, and all in the name of punishment and revenge. But even though Mother had been the one to kill this version of Susanna, Carmilla still blamed herself because, at the end of the day, it still was always her fault. She had chosen to force her way into Laura's life and look where it had gotten them. Just like always… Carmilla had no one else but herself to blame for this chapter's tragic end…

Laura would be back in time, just like always, but it would take Carmilla quite a bit of time to find her again. By then, though, she would be far too hurt and bitter to care, betrayed by her own Mother into losing Susanna once again.

 **AN: This chapter is obviously based on the original book, but I did start adding in webseries elements towards the end because I didn't actually get the idea to tie all three in until I was writing this chapter. Originally, this was going to be book only, but that changed and now I'm adding in the webseries, though I'm keeping this Laura as Laura. I'm not renaming her Elle.**

 **Also, this changes the book and webseries a tad. In this story, Elle was not Mother's original target. It only became that way because of Carmilla's failure with another victim, kind of like what happened in S1. In addition, Elle doesn't find out about Carmilla's secret from "a woman in the village", she finds out from the scene in the chapel, taken from the book, even though she isn't originally a part of that battle.**

 **Also, the way I imagine the timeline to be laid out is as such:**

 **1680: Mircalla is born**

 **1696: She meets Susanna**

 **1697: Susanna is killed**

 **1698: Mircalla becomes a vampire**

 **And then here, she starts hunting for girls around 1871 but doesn't get to Laura/Elle until 1872.**

 **Laura's last, unnamed incarnation, I would say, lived sometime in the 1840-50 if we assume each reincarnation was born as soon as the last one died.**


	3. 2014 Laura

When Carmilla, or Mircalla as she had taken to calling herself again, was finally freed from her bloody coffin, she felt a lassitude, and a languor that weighed upon her all the time. She felt herself a changed girl. A strange melancholy was stealing over her, a melancholy that lasted for 70 years more and took away every pleasurable thought she ever had. She did not smile for anything now. Even the darkness and violence of life left her uncomfortable and apathetic. Her time in the coffin had broken something within her, and she was no longer the same girl she used to be. Dim thoughts of death began to open up in her mind, and an idea that she was slowly sinking into it took a gentle yet not unwelcome hold over her.

In all her centuries as a vampire, Mircalla had never once considered death to be an option for her. Now? Though she still could not visualize herself actively doing anything to end her existence, the idea of everything ending was a common one for her and was not entirely unpleasant anymore. She had imagined herself dying in variety of ways, though she never did anything to affect the process. She simply traveled the world alone in a haze, seeing everything and nothing. She saw it all, as divers saw what was going on above them, through a medium that was transparent but also dense and rippling. She observed the world, but did not feel as if she was part of it.

For about a decade after her escape, Mircalla continued to travel the world in this gloomy and lonely haze. It was in the 1950s when Mother found her again, sulking alone in France. Mother wasted no time in recruiting her again, seeming to have forgotten the brutal punishment she had inflicted upon her old protegee and accomplice.

"Oh! Darling, darling! That is all blood under the bridge now!" Mother waved her arm dramatically, as though trying to swat a fly away. "You and I are together again and I have _decided_ to take mercy upon you this time and I will _not_ return you to your coffin. There you go, is that not worth a smile?" Mother seemed so proud of herself, but Mircalla couldn't even look at her anymore. Then Mother's tone became sharp.

"Listen, Mircalla. You weren't supposed to be let out this early! Your punishment was supposed to be _at least_ a century. But seeing as you have escaped and you have had some time to see the light again and to come to terms with your actions and their natural consequences, I will be gentle with you. Come, rejoin me in my service, or return to your coffin..."

Mircalla had not liked either option, finding no joy in seducing idiotic young girls into Mother's hand and certainly fearing the blood-filled coffin, but she knew she had to make a choice, or Mother would make it for her.

"Fine. So be it. Whatever," Mircalla grunted, and their little deal resumed.

The game was the same, even if under a different name. Now, instead of just roaming Styrian grounds for ditzy little idiots, Mircalla hunted a University. Mother had built it around the time she had finished burying Mircalla in that awful little coffin. The university's name was Silas, and it was welcome to people from all over the world, though young women often received priority. And since Mircalla was Mother's main tool of operation, from the 50s and onward, it became a very queer-friendly school. Mother prioritized pretty young girls who liked other pretty young girls just to make things easier upon Mircalla. But Mircalla still took no pleasure in her job and she began to hate that school with a passion, loathing the day when she had to return to it to do Mother's bidding. Her one condition was that Mother's victim could never be one of Susanna's reincarnations. Mother agreed to those terms, just so long as Mircalla kept up her own end of the bargain, like last time.

Mircalla ended up meeting several of Susanna's reincarnations, both in and out of Silas, but she did not feel anything for them anymore. Every time they would find her, Mircalla would make their life Hell. Although she did end up falling in love with each and every version, she tried not to show it. She was trying to defy the cycle again, actively hating her soulmate instead of loving. It was one last act of desperate rebellion. If Mircalla could not change her fate, or undo what Mother did, or beg God for forgiveness from this curse, then the least she could do was take it out on the one thing she _could_ control: Susanna. It was the only part of her curse she had any say in, so she would use it for all it was worth.

In every reincarnation of Susanna since 1872 Laura, Mircalla had actively worked against her, making her life miserable as a silent statement of rebellion and a way to protect herself from the emotional pain she would be left in when Susanna died again. She picked on every one of Susanna's reincarnations that she did not actively ignore or kill on their first night together, just to get it over with. She did not love Susanna anymore. She hated her. She wanted her dead, blaming her for everything starting from that first vampiric experience down to the blood coffin and Silas University. She wanted Susanna to feel all the pain she had. All of Mircalla's righteous anger and thirst for some kind of justice or vengeance was taken on out these reincarnations because they were all she had, and she did her very best to defy the path laid out for her.

But again, Mircalla could neither run nor hide forever. Try as she may to hate Susanna and defy all of her reincarnations out of a thirst for justice, the curse of love was not so easily removed and fate was determined to create a reincarnation that even Mircalla would be unable to hate. That was part of Mircalla's punishment, after all, to feel the cruel sting of love that was even crueler than hatred.

The new winning reincarnation was a spritely young dimwit named Laura Hollis, who had come to Silas in the fall semester of 2014. She was Mircalla's latest conquest, to love or to hate. Mother kept up her end of their old bargain and intentionally made Laura's original roommate, Betty, one of her chosen targets. Mircalla easily disposed of her and Mother made Mircalla Laura's new roommate thereafter. Both of them had a cruel sense of humor and irony and both of them agreed upon changing Mircalla's name in Silas' master list…

" _Carmilla. I'm your new roommate, sweetheart."_

From that very first moment, that very first word, that very first name, Carmilla had been just as determined to make this Susanna miserable as she had all of the others. She and Laura became rivals, Carmilla's sloppiness and general apathy for anyone who wasn't herself driving Laura Hollis mad. Carmilla's habit of partying late and sleeping in, mixed with her petty theft and gluttonous eating habits, infuriated Laura, so Carmilla only made sure to amp up the act, intentionally leaving her bed unmade and her clothes, half of which weren't even hers, all over the floor. She would sometimes sprinkle cookie crumbs all over their dorm while blasting the loudest rock music she owned.

The way she saw it, Laura deserved it for all the torment she had put Carmilla through. Laura hadn't been the one turned into a vampire, forced to watch her One True Love die over and over again. Laura hadn't been the one to be buried "alive" in a coffin of blood for 70 years. Laura wasn't the one who was a slave to an insane vampire queen who insisted that she be called "Mother" by her favorite workers. So Laura could deal with a few crumbs and some loud rock music as far as Carmilla was concerned. That stupid little overachiever could get over herself and deal with it! Carmilla had fun tormenting her soulmate's newest reincarnation…

Aaaaaannd, now Carmilla was pretty sure she was starting to fall in love with this lackwit. Try as she may, the cycle could not be ignored, and God had finally come up with another version of Susanna that Carmilla could not resist. Carmilla tried to force herself to hate Laura, but it just didn't work. After watching the girl try to rescue her old roommate, never knowing that Carmilla was responsible for her disappearance in the first place, something stared to change within Carmilla. And it only continued to grow as Laura expanded her search and sought out _all_ of the missing girls of Silas and not just her own roommate. That was a pretty selfless thing to do.

This girl, this stupid little Creampuff, this naive little lackwit, was just so brave and driven! She was _actively_ seeking out all of these missing girls, all of these nobodies, like they actually meant something. She put so much time and effort into saving these girls that it actually made Carmilla feel bad when Laura wound up with nothing. Laura had just invested so much time, energy and passion into finding the missing girls that to see her fail was incredibly disheartening, to be quite honest.

As Carmilla would come to tell Laura one day, it was just so beautiful to watch Laura try, like she actually cared about the rest of the world or that she actually thought that she could make a difference in it. She was so like her original incarnation. She was just as driven, spirited and courageous. It was one of the qualities that had first attracted Carmilla to Laura all the way back in 1696 when they first met. This Laura was so close to the original. If anything, this should've been a big warning sign to Carmilla that this story would end just as badly as before, but it was already too late. Carmilla was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Laura… again. Laura's hope, strength and determination had started a fire inside of Carmilla that she thought had burnt out long ago. Apparently not…

"But why?" Carmilla had asked Laura once in regard to her fruitless search for the missing girls.

"Because we deserve better," Laura had replied, almost angrily. "Hell, even _you_ deserve better!" she added. It was supposed to be something of an insult, but it had been the very first time anyone had ever told Carmilla that maybe she deserved a better life than what fate had given her. It had been the first time anyone had ever told Carmilla to fight, instead of run or hide. It had been the first time that anyone had ever inspired hope in her, or made her believe that she deserved it, that she deserved peace, and love, and a happy ending. That might've been the part when Carmilla first started falling in love with Susanna's newest reincarnation.

Of course, the road to their love was marked with all sorts of potholes and bumps, but they did get there eventually and, suddenly, Carmilla had even told Laura about her past life, back in 1872. Of course, it hadn't exactly been a willful choice, Carmilla being bound, gagged and surrounded by wooden stakes and garlic cloves, but it happened anyway. Through "advanced interrogation techniques", Laura and her dimwit squad of gay gingers had weaseled the truth out of Carmilla. It was quite humiliating, but that was Carmilla's whole existence in a nutshell… But the actual confession had been incredibly odd. Carmilla wasn't sure if she found it upsetting, or humorous! Here she was, relating a very painful story from her past, something that was immensely personal and private, and Laura was reenacting it all right in front of her with… sock puppets. Yup. That was the 2014 Laura for you!

But Carmilla couldn't totally blame her. Laura really didn't understand what she was doing. She never did. None of the reincarnations did. That was kind of the point. So behind it all, this Laura was just like all the others… which meant that Carmilla was bound to fall in love with her.

"Waltzing was fun. It had a... frisson scandal back then," Carmilla shrugged, hardly able to believe that she and Laura were carrying on a normal and friendly conversation like two normal and friendly people.

"How is waltzing scandalous?" Laura sounded incredulous. Carmilla almost laughed. This was definitely a modern girl, a 2014 Laura, if she believed that waltzing was so pure and "un-scandalous".

"Well," the vampire replied, standing slowly and offering an arm to the younger girl. The younger girl took the arm as she rose up as well. The two stood in the starting position to begin a waltz.

"Partners were face to face, chest to chest," Carmilla pulled Laura in close. "And all of that whirling? It may as well have been sex," she paused to smirk as she spun Laura around. Laura was smiling by the time their waltz was over. Ahhh, it had been so long since Carmilla had shared a dance with the girl she loved! The times were different, but the sentiment was the same.

"So, you had some fun?" Laura teased as they finished up their little dorm room dance.

"Maybe once or twice..." Carmilla replied with a smile that was both teasing and sad. Her mind, once again, was lost to a world of waltzes and secret kisses and stolen nights. As much as Carmilla might've hated Susanna for all the pain she had caused, seeing Susanna again always negated all of that anger in favor of love. Love might've been cruel and selfish, but it could still be so beautiful and redeeming. And this love only grew stronger every single day. Even though it was tinged with anger, hurt and bitterness, the warmth and fondness were very real.

For example, there were some things that no one in the world could get Carmilla to do, yet all Laura had to do was ask and Carmilla would do it. For her. Of course she would. Who else would these gestures of kindness be for except for her long-lost soulmate who had been with her century after century, even if she never remembered it?

"Of course I'm doing it for you," Carmilla had told Laura, and she meant every word. Laura's genuine surprise had hurt her a little.

But Susanna/Laura was not the only thing that stayed with Carmilla. The darker aspects of her past had an unfortunate way of creeping up on her as well, so was it any wonder why she would willingly sacrifice a few lackwits for Laura? What did Carmilla care about that Lafontaine person, or crazy Perry, or the stupid frat-bro, or that psycho-Summer, Xena? What did Carmilla care for anyone except Laura? Didn't Laura understand that Carmilla loved her and her alone?

So why was Laura so mad when Carmilla had sacrificed someone else in her place? Carmilla had done this to protect Laura, to give them more time together before they would be torn apart again. Why was Laura so mad at Carmilla for buying them extra time? What was one stupid little life if an epic romance was what that life was buying? This was supposed to be a gesture of love, so why did Laura interpret it as hatred?

Carmilla just didn't get it, far too used to a world of selfishness and cruelty to see why Laura was so mad. But what she did get was that Laura was angry, and now she was leading the charge right to Mother's front door in order to save not just her replacement, but every other target whose life was on the line, including Lafontaine and the frat bro.

The thought of Laura risking her life like that scared Carmilla like nothing else ever could but, at the same time, the vampire had never felt more pumped in her life. Something about the thought of someone finally leading a charge against Mother brought back Carmilla's desire to fight. She had never felt more ready to challenge Mother than at that moment. She even dared to join forces with the psycho Summer and, together, the two of them descended down to the lower bowels of Silas in order to join Laura in her rescue mission of Mother's ceremonial targets. Maybe, just maybe, things would go better this time, and Carmilla would be able to save her soulmate for a little while longer…

But of all the things that Carmilla had mentally prepared for while engaging in this final battle, seeing the Laura from 1872 had not been something she had expected to experience.

"Elle?" she asked, using the little pet nickname she'd given the girl over the course of their time together.

"Carmilla!" Elle's voice was soundless, but Carmilla could read her lips clearly. Suddenly, the vampire's vision was blurred with tears. How could it be that Susanna's soul had split into two? Why was some of it in Laura while the rest was trapped in Elle? Carmilla didn't know. Nor did she care. All she could think about, in that moment, was the portrait and the river, the schloss and Laura's old father. She could see late mornings and even later nights. She could see moonlit gardens and chatty governesses. She could see kisses and promises. She could see a life she almost had, yet was forced to lose anyway. She could see it all, everything that could've and should've been, but ever was and never would be again.

When Carmilla looked upon Elle again after 142 years exactly, she saw so much, and she hated Mother even more now than ever before for putting both of them through this. She had no regrets as she lunged towards the source of all of their present problems, the Demon of the Light. She could see Elle in front of her and she could hear Laura behind her. She would end this nightmare once and for all. She would reunite these two pieces of Susanna's soul into one body. If she died, maybe their curse would end, and Susanna would finally get her happy ending, no matter if it was Elle or Laura who got to experience it, and no matter if Carmilla was part of that happy ending or not. Carmilla didn't care. She just didn't care about that, or herself. All that mattered now was saving Susanna in the same way Susanna had saved her, through the voice of Laura. Carmilla was going to repay her beloved one and give her back her life, even if it killed Carmilla in the process…

Well. Good news. Carmilla was _not_ killed, though she _had_ been incapacitated for over a week after her little stunt. But even better news, she and Laura finally got to share their first kiss! But bad news. Defeating the Demon of the Light had been a very big mistake. Now all of Silas was on lockdown. It was time to get the heck out of dodge. The fun just never ended for the vampire of Karnstein, did it? She could only hope that Laura would survive this and that their time together would not close too soon. Not after their first kiss! What a mood killer!

But first things first, they had to get the heck out of Silas, and fast! And, oh, great! The Floor Dons (two of the three queer gingers) were coming along for the ride. And where were they all headed? To the Styrian freaking mountains. With winter break just on the horizon. Yay. Road trip time. But there was one thing that managed to pull a smile from the irritated vampire, and that was her human soulmate who was at her side as a lover once again at long, long last. (Now, she could only hope that it wouldn't end too soon…)

 **AN: So here we go, the third and final chapter that wraps it all up. After escaping the coffin, Mother and Carmilla's deal resumes and Carmilla is given special permission to deal with Susanna's reincarnations as she wishes, so long as she does Mother's other dirty work as well. But then of course, our 2014 Laura steps onto the scene and shakes up Carmilla's whole world, one last time.**

 **(Strike that "final" part. I'm writing an epilogue because I have to).**


	4. Happy Ending

Six years later, Carmilla found herself standing in the doorway to her apartment's bedroom. Asleep on the bed was her girlfriend, Laura Hollis. It was very late, but Carmilla herself had been unable to get to sleep. Instead, she paced the apartment listlessly and downed a few bottles of Lafontaine and Perry's Hemo-Soy Blood Substitute. It still didn't taste as good as real blood, but it was the more moral option. (Morals?! Since when had Carmilla ever cared about those?! She might as well change her name to Cullen instead of Karnstein! But at least she didn't sparkle!) As Carmilla finished her latest bottle of Hemo-Soy, she stared pensively at Laura's sleeping figure, but despite her outwardly calm appearance, there was a torrent of thoughts swirling through her mind…

It had been a very long and hard six years. In the first, following Carmilla and Laura's little escape from Silas (dragging two of the three gay gingers along), the two ended up realizing that their little stunt down in the bowels of Silas had instigated an apocalypse of Biblical proportions. The whole rest of that year and into the following summer was spent trying to stop Mother, who was no ordinary vampire as Carmilla had first thought. Instead, she was actually the Sumerian goddess of love and war: Inanna, and all of the work she'd had Carmilla do was all in the name of performing a ritual that she thought might help bring her dead lover back to her.

Carmilla might've sympathized, but Inanna was just too selfish and abusive to forgive. Besides, for that part of the year, Carmilla's own love life had been pretty shaky, to put it lightly!

"Tell her to go cry me an ocean," Carmilla grunted in dry amusement once they all realized what Inanna was really after. "She ain't the only one with a broken heart or romance problems. I mean, look at me! 317 years of being a lovelorn vampire and you don't see _me_ trying to end all of humanity to fix it, do you?" though of course, the more Carmilla thought about it, the more she had to admit that she might've very well done such a thing, were it in her power. Or at least, she would try to get things straight (ha, ha) with Laura. Were they dating or not? Were they a couple or not? The main desk at which they worked while hiding out in Silas' master library certainly would say so... How many impromptu sex sessions had they had on that poor thing? Yet both of them were still skirting the stupid question. Yea or nay?

Or at least, they _were_. At the end of that summer, though, just like all the others, Laura died.

"Nononononono!" Carmilla wept into Laura's lifeless body. Of course! She should've known! She should've known her curse would be cruel enough to take Laura away from her right when they were about to celebrate their greatest triumph of all! She should've known! But she hadn't. She'd forgotten. In a moment of rapture, Carmilla had forgotten all about the dangers of love and the curse she bore. All she could remember was Laura, and how happy Laura made her. But in that one moment of forgetfulness, that was when the curse decided to strike again. So now, Laura was becoming Carmilla's undoing again, lying uncharacteristically still, quiet and cold as Carmilla cradled her, fruitlessly trying to bring her back.

Inanna tried to intervene, tried to make amends for her actions which she finally understood the severity and wrongness of, but the best she could do was restore Carmilla's mortality so that, if she did have to suffer without her soulmate, it would no longer be eternal. Then perhaps, the two could finally reunite in death, properly. Would there be a point or purpose to keep bringing Susanna back to life if Carmilla, herself, was no longer there? So that was Inanna's best idea: give Carmilla her life back and then let her die naturally, taking the curse to the grave once and for all.

But then Ereshkigal, the goddess of death herself, and the twin sister to Inanna, stepped in. She took pity upon Carmilla and was able to bring Laura back. Never in her un-life, or regular life, had Carmilla been quite so happy! There was no guarantee how long Laura would last this time, but either way, both she and Carmilla were fully human, so they were on equal footing. Maybe the Sumerian gods had undone the curse the Christian God had cast upon Carmilla. Maybe, just maybe, this Laura would be her last and she and Susanna would finally get their happy ending.

But things weren't over yet. That was only one of the six years Carmilla had to slog through. Although the other five were nowhere near as hectic as that first, there was still plenty more to do. Carmilla had to get used to human life _and_ domestic life, _with a romantic partner_ no less, and none of that was very easy, contrary to what cheesy romcoms and soap operas showed. Getting used to a peaceful life after spending an eternity in a warzone was really hard. And learning to be emotionally vulnerable after being so emotionally isolated was not a fun or smooth lesson. There was a lot to learn in every aspect from all sides.

Carmilla had a lot to get used to as a human, and as a domestic lover, and not some mysterious, sexy, seductive vampire, though Laura might've argued that the first two traits were still very active within the once-again-human Carmilla. She had opted to keep this alias as well, no longer Mircalla thanks to Laura. But five years of domestic life, quiet as they were, gave Carmilla plenty of time to reflect upon what she had done during her time as Mircalla, and none of it was pretty. The mental and emotional scars that she suppressed before meeting 2014 Laura were finally forced to open up again and they stung like fresh wounds. Laura had recommended talking to a therapist, but that hadn't helped much. On the contrary, it only segued them into their next little adventure: a date with 1872 Laura, Elle, Carmilla's old ex. The only reincarnation of Susanna (outside of 2014 Laura) still around. Joy of joys.

But that mess had been resolved too, and it did help Laura and Carmilla find new perspective on their lives and each other. More sappy, happy endings. Of course, the entire adventure had been somewhat painful for Carmilla, having to come back to this old schloss again and look her original Laura right in the eyes as she admitted all of her sins and secrets and how she had moved on while this poor, innocent version of Susanna had been left alone in a blinding white light, to rot and be tormented by her worst memory: the day she lost Carmilla. It was a heartbreaking thing for Carmilla to see because it was then that she remembered that this curse of love wasn't just her own. It was Susanna's too.

Susanna was cursed to a doomed love just as much as Carmilla was. Elle was a reminder of that, because Carmilla had selfishly forgotten that this curse was supposed to kill two birds with one stone. Maybe Susanna never remembered Carmilla each time the punishment repeated, but that did not make her love for Carmilla any less real. And the pain that sprung up when that love failed was no less poignant either. Susanna was suffering just as much as Carmilla was. Elle was proof of it.

"I want my life!" Elle had screamed to them time and time again, bitter, vindictive and vengeful. She had cried out for justice and revenge, demanding Carmilla's blood as a sacrifice for all the years she'd had to suffer alone, lost and forgotten, cast aside to waste away in her suffering. While Carmilla at least eventually escaped her own prison, the coffin of blood, Elle never escaped her own Hell. And if 70 years could turn Carmilla from a hopeless romantic into a girl too callous to love and dead set upon making Susanna's other reincarnations miserable, what would 150 years do to one of those reincarnations? If it had only taken 70 years for Carmilla to snap and turn "evil", apathetic, what would 150 do to Elle? When Carmilla looked into those hating eyes, she saw herself reflected back, even clearer than if she had been looking into a mirror. When Carmilla saw Elle, she saw the Carmilla that had existed before 2014 Laura.

It was with great relief, then, that Carmilla had been able to finally help Elle pass on, to move forward, from this life into the next. Perhaps it had not been Elle's idea of a happy ending, but by then, she resembled Carmilla so very much that thought of an eternal sleep did not frighten her anymore. She was a changed girl too, and when she realized that her only option was the grave, she took it in stride. It was clear, she was still in a lot of pain from all the damage the curse had inflicted upon her, but at least she was free now. And that piece of Susanna had finally been reunited into the body of 2014 Laura. Maybe that was how Elle would get her life back. Maybe that was how Elle would get her happy ending: by finding peace and love through Laura from Carmilla. If Elle really was only one of Susanna's reincarnations, Elle's happiness would come from Laura's. The two weren't just connected by phantom dreams.

Now here Carmilla stood, in the peace and quiet of midnight as she stared at Laura's sleeping figure. How different it was from what she was used to! And how far Carmilla had come in life! Especially in the past six years alone! Because for the first time ever, Carmilla finally felt true hope. Like she actually had a chance to live life right this time. Maybe this would be the final cycle? Maybe Inanna and Ereshkigal really had freed Carmilla and Susanna from their curse? Maybe they would finally be able to live the life they had always wanted…

Carmilla had ended up needing to trade her mortality for Elle's immortality so that Elle could move on, but Carmilla had little concern about how her relationship with Laura would look in 20 years because, not too long ago, scientists had managed to find a Fountain of Youth. So maybe, even though Carmilla was a vampire again and Laura was still only human, she could achieve immortality too? Maybe this really was their happy ending. No more chapters or reincarnations, just this one closing piece before they were able to live freely, slaves to nothing and no one.

Domestic life was looking good for the two of them right now and, at this current viewpoint, it was going to be this way for a very long time more. So had fate finally decided to show mercy upon the vampire and forgive her and allow her to keep her lover at long, long last? Would she live a full life with Laura? Would Laura be able to join her in immortality just like they had planned centuries ago? Carmilla sure hoped so...

But watching Laura as she slept so peacefully, hair messy, arms tangled in the sheets and a bit of drool escaping her lips, Carmilla knew that even if life were to change its mind and take Laura away again, Carmilla would never go down the same path that she had when she lost Laura back in 1872. She would not become like Elle had. She would not go back to that dark and loveless place. She swore it!

If anything were to happen to this 2014 Laura, Carmilla would fight through it and never lose the person she had become thanks to this Laura. She would not become cold, cruel and bitter ever again. She would do her best to remain good and kind, no matter what. They would always come back together again anyway, because if Laura was taken away again, that meant the cycle was still in place and at least the cycle promised that the two lovers would always find one another again in the end, no matter the time or space between them.

Carmilla and Laura had already been subject to that fate to die as lovers may, so that they may live together, and they had already suffered so much together in this one life alone that it seemed that they were destined to be together, regardless of what curse or magic may or may not be acting upon them. Although Carmilla wanted desperately for 2014 Laura to be her last, she had already promised that if this weren't true, she would be good enough to deserve whoever came next.

And whatever reincarnation would come up next, Carmilla would be ready to love that reincarnation with her whole heart, no matter how much time they did or didn't have together. She would be ready to love again, no matter the pain. Their love was eternal, so it didn't matter who lived or died, or who went first, or who came back. All that mattered was that they would always find one another again. Besides, as Carmilla knew all too well, love could be cruel and it would have its sacrifices. There were no sacrifices without blood. So love was going to hurt, dead or alive. The only question was whether or not those sacrifices were worth it. And as Carmilla curled up around Laura once again, finally feeling tired, she decided that she already knew the answer. Yes. It would be worth it. Whether it was Susanna, Elle, Laura, or whoever, their love would always be worth its sacrifices.

 **AN: So, the epilogue chapter leaves it ambiguous as to whether or not Carmilla and Susanna's curse is over. Yay! But at least it seems that they will be ok for now. And either way, Carmilla had promised to remain good even if she does lose Laura. A big character growth, eh?**

 **And as for why Elle is the only one with part of Susanna's soul (aside from Laura)? It's because she was the only reincarnation to never die properly, as it was explained for all the Lophii victims. And none of the other victims were reincarnations, BTW, as explained by the promise between Mother and Carmilla. Elle was just that one exception, and that might explain why she seemed to have a natural connection with Laura even beyond what other would-be victims received. (The dreams in S1 vs the dreams in the movie).**

 **Also, quick timeline:**

 **Carmilla meets Hollis in fall of 2014 (when S1 was first aired)**

 **S2 and S3 take place in the New Year and summer of 2015**

 **5 years later, in 2020, the movie occurs. My headcanon is that it occurs in the summer of 2020, meaning that Laura and Carmilla will celebrate exactly 6 years of knowing each other when the fall of 2020 arrives, which is where this epilogue occurs.**


End file.
